Right?
Ok, so I've harping on about a decision I made, and then remade, and now am not so sure about again... I don't know if the lack of surety is God telling me that this is not the course of action I should be taking... or a test... something for me to work through and learn through (though everything really is a learning experience - good or bad feeling at the time).To be honest, I haven't been so anxious for a few years now. In fact, since Year 12 I've only become more and more laidback... so much so that by my last year of uni I was horrendously underprepared for all my exams and yet almost didn't care at all (only by the grace of God did I manage to not fail anything).
Anyway, I've been back at this week, after taking a week off. I realised that I had only taken 6 days leave since January 2005, and was quite possibly burning out... emotionally, rather than a particularly heavy workload. Unfortunately I didn't get as much done as I would have liked, and I can't really take a vacation from the mechanations of my mind, so all-in-all, it was a nice little break, but not entirely satisfactory.
It's occurred to me that things and people have changed so much over the years. Even since last year situations have changed, relationships have changed. Though I'm not strictly talking about weddings and engagements, there has been a large slew of these announcements in just the last year, whereas there were next to none previously. If I look back at first year uni, and compare how people were then, and the relationships (both romantic and platonic) back then, to how they are now, well... I think you can understand how different things are. I look at myself, and it still amazes me where God has lead me... from Cambodia, to Thailand, to Auckland, to Sydney and currently Canberra... and along the way, more significantly, the experiences have all been so amazing. I could never have planned for things to happen in my life the way they have.
I've never known where life would take me... and now especially I would be particularly lost, if it weren't for the amazing grace that God has shown me. Somehow, things have always turned out. For about 4 years in high school I thought I'd be an architect. Until I was 17 I was a firm atheist. I had never even been to Canberra a week before I started working here. I've never been very good at making long-term goals, but somehow I've been guided to where I am now... and I wouldn't take any of it back, because I know God has my best interests at heart and that I've needed to go through all I have, and all that I will go through.
The only real predictions of mine that have held up considering my limited facility for foresight and prophesy are that I am still single, that the time would come when the people around me would start getting engaged and married, and the emotional tempest this period would stir. And so it has started, and who knows where it will end? Very little in this fickle world remains constant, and so how great it is that we have a God that is eternal and faithful?
I never did write a more detailed post about the weddings I went to in December. I think I will leave it at that for now. There are many opportunities for marital comment yet to come. One thing I will say - it has been very odd seeing my friend with her husband's surname as her own =)
I will leave you for now, and perhaps next time I'll have something more interesting to share... rather than rambling on like I'm old and senile.
Adieu, adieu, until we meet next, adieu.
posted by Son @ 19:06
10 Comments:
I'm still praying for you :)
p/s: maybe great uncertainty is God's way for forcing you to trust fully in Him, and tell you that there may be no right or wrong... and that whatever you choose, His great grace may be shown... especially in our weaknesses and what may 'APPEAR' as mistakes in the thick of the situation (but are purposeful in hindsight).
I dont think there is a right or wrong, but what is wise or unwise... :)
I agree that there may be no right or wrong... except that if there is wise and unwise... couldn't you call the unwise decision 'wrong'? In any case... I'm not a wise old man yet ;P ...so to me, my original decision was the wise one, but you and Jenn thought otherwise. Anyway, next time I see you online I'll explain a bit more...
Perhaps...
Maybe its a case of what is 'wiser'... and sometimes I've learned that God has very abstract ideas of what is wiser! For example, you may see one path as foolish (or impulsive, but not wrong or unGodly in any sense), but you could learn much about yourself and other matters in the process whether that path goes well or not.
Whereas the other path may be safer and appear less foolish, but perhaps you may never grow as a person from life's experiences, be it sweet or bitter in taste.
So, when you look at it that way, which could be wiser?
*raises eyebrow*
Its like that daily verse on your page today - You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
Genesis 50:20 (NIV). Sometimes things may seem more risky and dangerous, but God uses everything for our good and to accomplish good things :)
Life is so grey isnt it? Never black at white when you want it to be. Keep praying :)
Nicely put.
I'm not going to argue with you Jenny... I don't actually think there's a clearly wiser path, but I have chosen the one you and Jenn have suggested... and knowing my stubborn side, I'll see it through until it's too late to turn back. So we'll see what happens eh? I just came up with an idea though... that might make this easier to swallow.
yeah... I know that there is no 'clearly wiser' path... sometimes what is truly wiser is very hard for us humans to distinguish - which is why we are always encouraged to pray for wisdom and God's grace/guidance to be imparted on us.
Btw, 'stubbornness' is sometimes good? however I don't see ur 'stubbornness' in this respect as 'stubbornness' but rather commitment and faithfullness expressed in some form - two charactertistics which I believe are very much part of your intrinsic character.
Oh, and email me with your 'idea' :) I have something to tell you too.. though its not as important as your 'situation' atm :)
You are going to be A-OK Son! I just know it, no matter what happens. I think you're tougher than you think you are :) You have so much belief in other people, I think its time those around you tell you how they believe in you. So let me be one of them in some way! Even if it is just a random comment from a distant far away land like now.
oh, I would love to hear this "something" you have to tell me =) haha... not as important? This situation is important to me... but my ego isn't so big that I can't realise that it's really not that big a thing.
haha... thanks Jenny =) It's not such a distant land =) Well, I'm always surprised when people believe in me... I'll try not to disappoint =P
Will send you that email later tonight... would be good to get another opinion.
I've replied your email already!!! :)
hey... this is funny... its just you and I chatting here :p
hehe... two troubled souls =P Not too surprising I guess because I haven't been posting regularly, or with meaningful posts... so most of the few people here have left >.<
nah, i reckon they visit but have become lurkers much like on my site.. I track my visitors so I know who is visiting... people read, just dont wanna comment - fair enough ;) But I am glad you do! I've been doing the same thing... not posting regularly, nothing meaningful, hence no inspiration for visitors to comment, but I have been more regular these days only because I do not have the mindset to do the other things I usually love doing (ie. writing lyrics/poems, reviews, singing, designing, etc). Im sure you can understand.
And yes, we are two troubled souls...haha.. but I thank God you have been someone Ive been able to talk to, amongst the others that God has graciously provided me. And I am sure He has provided you with the same grace. Which just goes to prove that His grace is sufficient (just like it says in the bible - i THINK its 1 corinthians somewhere) and that God gives us JUST enough, at JUST the right time.
:)
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