Reflecting upon 2006 - Part I
I'm not really sure where to start in thinking about 2006. I think in many ways it was an eventful year for me, yet at the same time a predominant theme was that of patience. This is not to say that I learnt patience, rather, that patience was required of me. I spent a great portion of the year waiting.
Well, my first wait was about 3 or 4 months. I don't recall exactly. I know I'm being oblique about it, and that many of you can probably guess the theme of what I'm referring to, but I really can't tell you any details. Suffice it to say that the wait was not pleasant. I don't like prolonging pain (despite constantly procrastinating when it comes to things like assignments and stuff).
However, God was good to me, and kept me busy. And not just busy, he helped me to become more like a member of the family at the church I'm a part of. It had taken more than 2 years, but now I feel more content and at ease with Canberra and the people here. I suppose it's no surprise that it took so long, as I'm not an easy person to get along with, and it takes me a while connect in some way to people. My relationships with people will always require a lot of work, but at least the groundwork is there. For this I am thankful, and also for the opportunities I was given to serve in 2006.
Now I recall that at the start of the year I had a strong inclination to move back to Sydney. I made a commitment to Canberra for the year, and to consider my circumstances again at the end of the year. By the second half of the year I was content to stay in Canberra for the short-medium term, and I haven't needed to re-evaluate. The long term is not something I plan very much for - I know how unexpected the paths we walk become. Only God knows what is to happen in the future.
So, back to the 'waiting'. I guess what I'm referring to relates to my job. For large portions of the year I was 'waiting' at work - I struggled to concentrate, wasn't as productive as I could have been, and was restless. It is surprising to me that the people I work with have been happy with the work I do, because I have felt very inefficient and unproductive for large periods of the year.
Why does it frequently seem like I am waiting? I think this has to do with an underlying disconnect between who I think I am, and the situations I find myself in. An example of this is my work, where I think there’s a disconnect between what I think I’d be suited to, and the job I’m actually in.
Or maybe it seems like I’m waiting because I have the very human tendency to be dissatisfied and discontented with what I have, while always wanting something ‘better’. For me perhaps I’m constantly waiting for that loving wife, that interesting job, that free time, that exciting event, and so on and so forth. In being this way it can be very easy to miss the beautiful things that God has blessed us in our everyday lives.
I think that I could also be constantly ‘waiting’ because there’s always that yearning for what is missing in this world – heaven. Maybe it’s because life is such a struggle, and because sin and its misery are so entrenched in this world, that I am yearning for the peace of heaven. And I don’t think this is just me. Perhaps we all know that something isn’t quite right in this world and are yearning for what is missing. And this is why we should pray:
Our Father in heaven, hallowed be thy name,
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven…Because God’s kingdom will sate our cravings, filling in the missing pieces of our lives. It’s not that God isn’t active in this world, but how much more glorious would it be when His kingdom arrives in all its majesty?
Do you yearn for heaven? I know I do at times, but there's still plenty to do with the time I have been given on this earth first.
Sonflower
I have told quite a few people already, but I guess I should still make a general announcement: I am buying a flowershop.
And before you ask me the inevitable questions, perhaps I should try and pre-empt them.
You’re kidding right?No.
Why a flower shop?Because it was for sale, and upon contemplation looks interesting and doable.
Are you quitting your job?Of course. That’s the whole point.
Are you going to do flower arrangements and stuff?Yesiree.
Where? In Canberra?Yup.
Are you nuts? (Ok, people haven’t been asking this one… just myself)
Yes.
Anyway, I have been looking at the classifieds, for businesses for sale, for the last several months or so. It was probably about two years ago that it first occurred to me that I wanted to run a business. Why? Because I figured out some things I didn’t want to do, and a few of the things that I possibly would want to do I have little or no expertise or experience in, i.e. I’d have to go to uni or get an apprenticeship or something. (Actually, I’d rather retire and follow some of my interests, but that’s another story).
I’m certainly excited, but at the same time a bit freaked out. For one, I have very little idea about flowers, having rarely bought them (no girlfriend). I note though that after discovering how expensive roses are during Valentines Day maybe I should just stay single… not that I have much control over that situation. On the other hand, this will be the most involved I’ve ever been with Valentines Day, as I will be learning/training through the month of February before the handover of the business takes place at the end of February.
The owner is training me, and for the first month or so I’ll have full staffing so that there’s always someone there to stop me from making big mistakes. After that, hopefully I’ll somewhat know what I’m doing and not have to hire full-time staff, so that I stop going further and further into debt.
My last day at my current job is the 31st of January. Just 8 working days to go, even though I’ve probably got a couple of months worth of work I wouldn’t mind tying up… then again, it’s that work which makes me believe I’m making the right decision. The work of a public servant is not one for me I think… at least not continuing for another 30-odd years anyway! Some people find the work interesting and enjoy the ‘work-life balance’ many areas of the public service allow. For me, I find myself increasingly frustrated. For some reason the people around me seem happy with my work, but I’ve been finding motivation difficult and that I’m not as efficient as I could be. I want to be doing my job properly and it has been increasingly difficult to do this.
It’s been amazing, since I found Christ, seeing how God has lead me, through an unimaginable path to where I am today. And so again I find myself in a place unexpected, a little frightened, but confident that God knows what I need, even when I don’t. Perhaps this undertaking will be a ‘disaster’, but I have a feeling I’ll be learning a lot through it either way.
Will let everyone know how it goes, but for the next few months I won’t be surprised if I’m a bit bewildered. So please excuse me while I adjust, and understand if I’m a little bit more confused than usual (if that’s possible).
Bearish
Well, what more can I say? It's a huge toy bear! hahaha... I saw it in Morning Glory in Sydney.
Two posts planned... hopefully soon.
1) My change of career.
2) Thoughts on 2006.
It's a boy!
Don't ask me what the title of this post is about... it just popped into my head. Nor would it do to ask me what this post is about, for I do not know that either.
2007 huh? I guess I'm in a bit of daze... so much has been happening of late that it all seems a bit surreal . Not that it's been all eventful for me, but generally a lot seems to be happening with everyone.
I have some big news to relate personally, but I shall wait a bit before revealing it here. It wouldn't do to have to come back and recant if things don't quite pan out as expected. No real secret though, and so I have already told a number of you... well, depends who's actually left reading this thing.
In any case, I'm in a strange mood.
hmm... now I recall something that occurred to me earlier.
I wish to apologise to anyone that I may have offended and/or hurt during the course of the previous year (and beyond I guess). I can be careless at times with my words and actions... and at other times I'm just plain stupid.
2007. I spent NYE with some friends in south Canberra, arriving after a heavy hailstorm that left the streets dressed in white. After the countdown we wrote down some NY's resolutions and shared them. I haven't made any NY's resolutions for quite some time, but I settled on something... useful.
"To be more joyful in all that I do."
Why? Well, simply put, because I'm not joyful enough. There is every reason to be joyous, as I have salvation through Jesus Christ. Next to this, what difficulties and challenges in this life can compare?
But of course I struggle. At times I can be cynical, depressive, pessimistic and/or discouraging. How great it would be to simply be joyful, because I am so blessed?
There were too many years not knowing God's love, and perhaps slowly the barriers in my heart will be washed away. The walls I put up to protect myself, that chip on my shoulder, that anger I feel towards myself, those insecurities I've stored up over time, the bitterness tainting parts of my life...
I need to be more vulnerable... so I am better able to trust in our Heavenly Father. For what little strength I do have is given from Him. I wonder if I present myself to others as strong?
I wonder what happened to quiet Son... more contemplative Son... have I really embraced the clown that's replaced him?
haha, well, to you then, caveat emptor - buyer beware.
