As the river flows...
Windswept leaf through a fierce summer storm, lightening charred and thunder scorned.
Directionless on a whim, inexorable fate the earth or sea, somewhere inbetween.
As the river flows, surging captor gently choking, forcefully leading.
Gasping for breath beneath a surface once calm, that now reflects just churning depths.
Gentle whispers faintly remembered, a life secured by the known and to the strong.
Still the current pulls with vigour, though hope pierces the gloom, of light coalescing.
A safe haven gathers and enfolds, sheltered arms easing and carressing.
This peace proves but fleeting, the calm before the tempest, never ceasing, ever submitting.
Nothing interesting
I felt compelled to write... but I have nothing to write about. At least, I have nothing to write about that I wish to share here =P
Maybe I should show some discipline and sleep early for a change. Yes, I think I will do that.
Well, goodnight folks!
Tricks of the Mind
I recently made a hard decision. I thought it was the right decision, even though it has tested my resolve ever since to continue holding this 'right' position in my mind. I knew it would be tough to keep a clear head despite having made this decision, and that it would pain me to be in constant opposition to my emotions. However, I didn't quite appreciate how hard it would be, especially as I didn't expect my friend to suggest a different course of action - one alarmingly simple (even compared to what I thought was a very simple rationale to my decision) and emininently dangerous.
My friend's suggestion was this - that I take a course of action that would leave me little option but to move onwards in my feelings and emotions, whether or not the short-term consequences were positive or negative. This course of action would cut down the room for confusion and perhaps be more painful now, but would allow me to move forward.
My problem was this - I disagreed with the reasoning behind the course of action. Though I agree that potential short-term pain is better than longer-term pain and confusion, I don't think that my own emotional state overrides all other considerations. That is, I believe that though the my chosen path is the harder one for me personally, I believe it is the right one in an idealistic sense. I also believe there are strong enough countervailing considerations to make my friend's suggestion not as simple as it first appears. I don't think it' is wrong per se, just that it's not the clearly beneficial option that my friend thinks it is. In fact, deciding on either course of action is hard, and far from simple in my own mind. However, I had made a decision and I believe it is a good one.
But, I've had a couple of days to think further about the alternate course of action, and I can feel myself drawn to it. If my friend had not made the suggestion it would have been a lot easier for me to keep to my decision, but now that it's in the mind it's not so easy to dismiss. In fact, my intuition tells me that I will sooner, rather than later, take my friend's advice. The problem is, I don't know which is the really the 'right' course of action. I can be a stubborn sort, but I also place high value on this friend's advice. My current decision appears to be the ideal answer, whereas the alternative seems more practical. My position requires continued strength and resolve (of which only God knows if I have), whereas my friend's suggestion requires a certain amount of courage (another attribute I am to be tested on).
haha, I know I am being cryptic here, even though there will be few who will even read this.
Please God, what is your will for me? What course have you set out for me? Please lead me down Your path, and may my decision lead a path to You. Amen.
A New Year Just Begun...
I've been on holiday for almost two weeks now (and my holiday is only two weeks long), though it's hardly been relaxing. But it seems so long ago that I was at work...
I watched the New Year's fireworks with a few friends and my siblings, somewhere along the coast near Waverton. We had a great spot (not entirely surprising since we were there from 4pm), so it was by far the best view I've ever had of fireworks.
As for New Year's Resolutions? Well, I generally don't make any... not any in a specific sense... since I'm someone who tends to have vague goals in the back of my head (probably why I never achieve anything much). However, I do know that this year I want to grow in my walk with Christ - to truly experience His love and to leave all my worries and anxieties to Him.
I've realised that I'm a person who is always struggling for control, to be in control. Ironically, I've never really been in control at all - my life has always flowed from one phase or event to the next without much in the way of planning on my part. Eventually I realised that God had been leading me to Him. Still, I want to be in control, but on the other hand, I like a laid back approach. No wonder I'm such a confused fellow... I contradict myself half the time. I term this having a 'simultaneously conflicting personality'.
My point? No idea, except that somehow God has kept me safe and somewhat sane through my ineptitude and foolishness. How amazing is that?
I hope that everyone's New Year has been an enjoyable and restful one in preparation for the year ahead. Take care.
