A Real Post
Hello loyal readers (well, I assume you are loyal because I haven't advertised this place for quite some time)!I realise that I haven't written a "real" entry for about a month... and that one was rather cryptic. I know I haven't really given an update about my life for a while - I'm not really one to relate my day-to-day existence for it is nothing as continually dramatic as Neighbours or
How am I? Well, those who have been paying attention over the last few months will know that I have been troubled. I am still troubled, perhaps more so these last several days. The reason for this state is a bit complicated, parts of which I cannot share at this time or in this forum.
At the same time a part of me is pleased, because I see signs that I am spiritually in a growth phase - I have spent more time with God's word, in prayer, in contemplation of His will and more involved with church life. By no means am I on a spiritual "high", but at least things are moving in the right direction, even if not at spectacular speed. A bit like the tortoise, I hope that slow and steady wins the race, though perhaps God has something else in mind. I don't know, but as a tortoise that at times hides inside his shell, not really moving at all, it's encouraging that God has prodded me along, helping me to venture outside of my shell.
I'm also thankful that I am no longer troubled by the decision I first mentioned all the way back in January. I made a decision, and I can't turn back from it now. I do not know how it will pan out, but now I just must be patient and do what needs to be done. So it's not the difficulty of making a decision that troubles me now, but a number of other things:
1) Work - is quite busy, at least compared to what it was before. It's good in that the days don't drag on as much, but it means I'm a little more tired.
2) The lack of control I have over my thoughts and I guess my emotions, feelings and mental processes is a little worrying. I guess I'm not a very focussed person, nor am I the rational, sensible person that some people make me out to be.
3) I think it was Saturday, while not being very productive on a Saturday morning (just wanted to take it easy), that I just felt a little overwhelmed... by life I guess. There seems to be so much to do, so many distractions, so many administrative tasks, so many things to catch up on, so much to think about, and so on and so forth. About all I really want to do is spend a lot of time writing, but, I feel that I have to do the million and one other things that need doing that are more relevant. And so, I'll slowly try and cross off some of these "to do" items... hoping that I don't have more pop up at a greater rate than I can clear them. Though I must admit I haven't been very efficient, and haven't had the energy to do a lot of what are administrative tasks.
4) What turned out to be a relatively small mouse was scratching around between the roof and the ceiling. For a few weeks we (my housemates and I) could hear some noises above us. After a couple of weeks, I bought a mouse trap (hehe... it was called "the e-rat-icator"). For 4/5 days after that I could still hear the scratching and scuttling sounds and it seemed to be early in the morning (apparently rats and mice aren't nocturnal), therefore affecting my sleep on a couple of mornings. I was about to give up on the trap, but on Friday I opened up the hatch (to the ceiling) and didn't see the trap! Rather nervously I looked around for the trap, and it had actually flung onto the top of the hatch, and in it was a small mouse, not much more than 10cms long including tail. Rather tentatively I disposed of the mouse - it basically had its neck crushed/snapped by the trap. Pretty disgusting really - I'm not a person who is completely comfortable when it comes to certain insects, spiders and stuff like this. I won't scream like some girls I know would, but neither do I have nerves of steel >.<
hahaha... anyway, I was very happy to "solve" the problem... except I'm now a little paranoid about noises above me in the house... I really hope there aren't more yucky creatures up there! It was just a little unnerving, hearing these noises, and being unsure what it was and what the creature was doing. And it didn't make sense - it's a new house, and there's nothing in terms of what you'd typically call food up there, so what was it eating? And how'd it get there? I guess there are gaps in the tiles big enough for the small creature to get through, and possibly it went out to get food every now and then. Anyway...
5) Of course, though I've made the irrevocable decision, I still don't know how things will pan out.
Well, those are the main things, but I can't fully explain how I'm feeling... I've just been experiencing a sense of unease from time-to-time, while at other times my thoughts have just been fighting within my mind. I don't mean to give the impression that I'm a wreck or anything, because, like I said earlier, I'm pleased that I'm in a spiritual growth phase, and there have been positive things happening too. But, I'm not going to honeycoat things and say that I'm "great".
Oh, last Tuesday I got my left-upper wisdom tooth taken out =) It was actually a lot less discomforting than I had experienced. I was a little nervous about the needles that go into the gums with the anaesthetic, but I didn't feel them much at all, and though the sound of tooth tearing away from the gums was cringeworthy, it didn't hurt =) It was so weird having dinner that night, with half my mouth numb and chewing with the other side of my mouth. I could only half-taste the food because half my tongue was numb. When the anaesthetic started wearing off I began to feel slightly nauseous, but the next day I was fine, and a couple of days later I was happily eating as per normal =) Is nice not having food getting stuck back there, or having that outwardly growing teeth pressing against the inside of my cheek. In a few weeks the other upper wisdom tooth is coming out too... hopefully that'll go smoothly too.
hmm... I'm not too good with these sort of updates, but I guess that'll do for now. Take care my friends =)
posted by Son @ 23:42
1 Comments:
Sometimes it can be very unclear what is the 'right' way to go about doing things. A few Christians say something is morally/ethically wrong, a few other Christians say it is ok. Making everything oh so painful to think about.
The feeling of helplessness, that you can't do anything about the situation but to wait and see how it all turns out.
It's good in a sense that you are focussing on a few other important things for the time being though, and that you are in a phase of spiritual growth.
I don't know if what I'm saying describes your situation or not. Oh well.
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