Foolish Games

How to fall in love - Part 3

- SMH article of 1 Sept 2005, refer to post of 7 Sept 2005 -

Well, 7 September was a while ago... I guess I should continue then (or give up perhaps)...

HOME IS WHERE IT'S AT

"Forget about long-distance romances, proximity rules. Being situated close to your potential love object - whether at the next desk or in the next street - ensures repeated exposure, beneficial because the more we see someone, the more we like them (unless we strongly disliked them at first exposure, in which case the opposite is true). That's why we so often end up with workmates or the boy/girl next door."

I guess the first thing to point out is that this is talking about the process of getting together, rather than what happens when the relationship becomes long distance. I'm a strong believer that people grow to like and love each other more and more (I've mentioned previously how as you know people better you consider them generally to be more attractive than strangers). As they say, beauty is only skin deep (and as the bestman at a wedding I went to last Saturday said - "Beauty is fleeting. Beauty is deceptive." Sure, pure physical beauty isn't irrelevant, but inner beauty is what actually counts.

But I digress. Proximity (unfortunately one of the words that reminds me of law and law school) I think keeps that person on the mind. If you don't find the person repulsive, if they're kinda nice, kinda cute, kinda sweet, kinda cool, kinda interesting... well, they may not have massive appeal initially , but if you see him/her frequently - briefly every day or every few days even - then the "kinda..." status they have is more likely to be elevated. And this is even before considering the fact that if you see him/her frequently, it's more likely that you'll get to know them beyond the surface as well.

The mind is brilliant at playing tricks too. What starts as occasional encounters, brief words and conversations, can quickly turn into thoughts in the mind. I wonder if I'll see her today on the way to work? Will I bump into him at the shop? I wonder if she'd like to join us to watch a DVD? These thoughts are the seeds. They can be innocent enough. You could easily have these thoughts of a friend, or it could be a casual acquaintance crossing that line into friendship. However, oftentimes these thoughts linger, and become more frequent. You may start finding yourself smiling at the thought of seeing that person later in the day, or replaying conversations after they've left. And by the time you've realised it - it's too late - you've become infatuated. Bugger.

So from the most innocent of situations, actions and thoughts your mind has tricked you into thinking and feeling something that you cannot understand - such is one of the ways that God brings future husbands and wives together. I'm not saying that it's a trick in the negative sense of the word (though if you're relying just on emotion, without basis from getting to know the person better, then you could very well be fooling yourself), but rather, that mind works in a ways we can't always control, and the result is that "irrational" thought processes can lead to unexpected results. Quite amazing really, how people can get together, leading on from what can very inconspicuous incidents and situations.

And I wonder what God has in store for me in this regard. Will I be someone bemused by an unexpected love? Will I find myself fighting a losing battle against these so-called tricks of the mind? Or will my rational side, and awareness of this process keep me from experiencing the wondrous blessing of romantic love? I don't know... the more I struggle to figure things out in my own head, the less sense they make. So I must trust in the Lord, for the world's wisdom is foolishness, and my own mind limited.

posted by Son @ 22:20