How to fall in love - Part 2
- SMH article of 1 Sept 2005, refer to post of 7 Sept 2005 -LIKE SEEKS LIKE
"Look for someone as much like you as possible, because chances are that he or she is looking for you. We prefer mates with similar backgrounds, interests, values and beliefs because they validate our own; in fact, the more similar in attitudes, the greater the attraction level between couples. We even gravitate towards partners who look like us. Anthropologist Francis Galton drew attention to this phenomenon a century ago and it has been confirmed by numerous studies on the resemblances between spouses."
I think there are two factors at play here - dual cause and effect: 1) As article says, we look for those who are like us, 2) The longer we spend with someone, the more we look alike.
I'll start with the second factor. I'm not sure how much this extends to body size, but I suspect there'd be some correlation with married couples, due to a shared diet and lifestyle. The main thing though are the facial features. A long-term couple will learn from each other many things, not least of which are the idiosyncratic actions and movements of the partner. Most likely it'll be little things - subtleties of the lips, eyes, etc in forming expressions, like a lopsided grin.
As for looking for those we look like, there are several layers to this. Firstly, there's the cultural and ethnic aspect, which means most people are more comfortable with people with a similar background and culture. This usually would mean the pool of 'potentials' would not be too disimilar (for example, Chinese girl and Chinese guy will have less scope for difference than Chinese girl and Spanish guy).
Secondly, there's the lifestyle and personality factor, which would see people who look similar in style more likely attracted to each other. Easy example would be a very conservative guy would likely be more comfortable with a conservative girl - perhaps due to conservative clothes, lack of piercings, traditional hair styles... that sort of thing.
Thirdly, there's the just the similarity of physical attributes. Whether height, weight, body shape or size, I think it's logical that we would be more comfortable with someone who is roughly similar... bearing in that guys are typically larger in all directions, and this has been ingrained in the consciousness of all women, such that the guy should always be taller and wider and all that sort of thing. Think about it, how odd does it look for a tall, trim basketball player to be dancing with a short, stout girl? It's just awkward, for both people, and I think most people subconsciously realise this and expect to find someone of similar physical attributes.
Well, I'll tell you how I fit into this personally. And you might laugh at me announcing this, but, I guess I've been looking for a somewhat conservative Asian girl with a modest upbringing. This fulfils my broad cultural, ethnic and personality profile. More specifically, I guess I'm average height, so this isn't much of a consideration, but I'm a little underweight, so theoretically I'd be looking for a slightly anorexic girl? haha... no, that is neither healthy nor attractive (yes, please note girls, it's alright to have a bit of meat on the bones).
Anyway, all this is theoretical. What I've learnt having observed the relationships around me, and learning more about life in general, is that we humans are very poor predictors of details... I really have no idea what girl God has planned for me, or if he has anyone planned at all. *shrug* goodnight.
posted by Son @ 23:03
10 Comments:
We can always arrange someone for you >=]
coool~~ agree agree agree [on son's entry btw, Not sam's comment]
*sniff*
hahaha... how funny =)
Well, I can't say I'm particular fond of being set up... for starters, it just puts too much pressure on the situation, and it's just awkward...
"Hello, this is my friend, X"
"Hi."
"Hi."
*Introducing friend not so discretely runs off*
"um... so... how's life?"
hehehe... no, this isn't me retelling a personal adventure =P
Haha..reminds me of the OC episode where they set Alex and Ryan up..*in bar with live band*
Alex:...So..you like live music?
Ryan: Not really. You?
Alex: *shocked*..it's my life :|
And I agree with your post as well -- except being a short girl the whole guy of right height can be a bit difficult :P My formal photos should be hilarious, my date is so tall..!!
I'm not too sure about the second point though... perhaps people are forming habits around their spouses, or forming a sort of subconscious routine with them and the ability to read them well to understand each other's movements without realising. But I'm not sure they'll do exactly the same things... but then again I don't know.
Though I agree with your first point, people are more comfortable with people who are like themselves.
Although... some of my friends who are single want the same similar culture and background.
But then the majority of my friends who aren't single are not going out with a similar boyfriend/girlfriend. i.e. Vietnamese girl with a Spanish guy, or a Australian with an Indian...
So although I agree to some degree that people are more comfortable with people who are similar, I'm not too sure that they seek out similar cultures/backgrounds (unless by choice).. perhaps similar attitudes, humour, personality... etc
^_^ sorry about that... it's good to hear your views though... :P
hi Ling!
Well, none of it is definite, social science isn't a precise art. I didn't mean couples will do exactly the same things, in all ways, but tend to learn to act in similar fashion in some ways.
And as for the rest of it, I think it's more that specific cultures, backgrounds and lifestyles are more likely to 'produce' certain types of people, and more likely to 'produce' people that look similar, than two disparate people. Yes, ultimately it's about personality and character, but a similar physical appearance is more likely to connote compatibility and hence a greater propensity for people to seek such 'potentials'.
Alternate thought is that the increasingly global 'integrated' society has produced more socially displaced individuals, creating an environment where the disparate becomes common and to some extent comfortable... but that's a whole other theory =P
Son was that meat on bones comment directed at me???
Btw s is shirley
Well Shirley, if you think it was, then maybe there's something for you to think about. But no, I wasn't directing that comment at anyone in particular. Unfortunately, I know many people who have issues with their body shape/size. There are some who could do with a bit more meat on the bones, and others who are a little more shapely, but think that any shape larger than a beanstalk is untenable. Like I've said before, I think it's simple: a balanced diet and an active, healthy lifestyle will result in a healthy, ideal weight for that individual. This is more appropriate than a notional ideal weight set by society and the media. As a personal example, I also need to gain a bit of weight, and I have, but I'm not entirely happy because I think I've gained it by not living in a very healthy fashion. Anyway, I might write on this separately sometime.
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